What Is a Mother's Love? 11
Chapter 9
Find Your Original Self
You might wonder if we could improve our immature traits without traumas. If your mother told you very softly with gentle words about how you should behave, you might have been able to learn without trauma. Would that have been possible? Unfortunately, that would not have been possible. Why?
It is not possible because traumas are created when we do not relinquish basic Beliefs such as "Mothers should take care of us forever." As you grow older, your mother begins to tell you to do some things by yourself. She will say, "Do it alone." Even though your mother uses gentle words in her request, you refuse to do it, because you do not relinquish your Belief that "Mothers should take care of us forever," which includes her doing everything for you. Your mother does not stop saying, "Do it alone," because making you do something alone is important training for your growth. This conflict grows, and your Belief that your Mother should take care of you and do everything for you forever, and her request for you to do something alone, creates a trauma.
Imagine a three-year-old girl was told by her mother to change clothes alone for the first time in her life. She might be upset at first and say to her mother, "Gee! Am I supposed to do it alone?! You are the one who is supposed to do it, aren't you?" Yet if she will follow her mother's request, she will not create any trauma. However, because of her laziness or self-centered nature, she might resist and say "Oh, no! Why do I have to do it? It's your job! Do it for me!" In this case, her mother has to repeat her instructions. The child also might repeat saying, "No!" Eventually, her mother will yell at her, saying, "I told you to change your clothes many times! Do it without talking back!"
Furthermore, her mother might be taking care of younger siblings also. In this case, the child will misunderstand that her mother likes her younger siblings more than her. She will say, "Mom loves my little sisters, but does not love me anymore. This is why she does not take care of me. Mom does not do anything for me!" Her mother becomes hurt after hearing this, and might become upset or angry and slap her. Therefore, the child creates a trauma. Considering this situation, we can say that if you have many traumas with your mother, it means that you resisted often against your mother's instructions. In other words, you might have been lazy and obsessed with having your mother take care of you. You might have been a stubborn child and completely refused to do anything your mother told you to do.
Needless to say, you are now an adult. You can do what you should do. This is a result of training yourself in your childhood to reduce your laziness. If your mother did not make the effort to train you, you would still have many things that you could not do. As children, we all had the original traits of laziness, self-centeredness, and stubbornness, and training helps us overcome those traits. If you believe that your mother caused any traumas in your childhood, then you should admit that originally you were a very lazy, self-centered, and stubborn child, and those negative traits hurt your mother.
