What is a Mother's Love? 7

Chapter 5

Beliefs Affect You Forever

If you analyze Yukiko's Basic Belief that her husband should always prioritize her, you would find that this Belief does not make sense. However, it is difficult for Yukiko to find it irrational because whenever she follows this Belief, her emotions react.

How and when were the Basic Beliefs created? These Basic Briefs were created when we were children or babies. This means that Yukiko had made her Belief toward her mother when she was a child. She believed her mother should have always prioritized her. This is a Common Belief among children. Because she still had this Belief, she had been requiring the same thing unconsciously from her husband instead of her mother.

The following are more examples of Children's Common Beliefs.

Examples of Children's Common Beliefs

1. Basic Beliefs ・Mother should do whatever I want immediately. ・Mother should carry me whenever I feel tired from walking. ・Mother should understand my feelings even though I do not express them with my words. ・Mother should cook only my favorites. ・Mother should look back at me whenever I call her name. ・Mother should always smile at me, even if I do something wrong. ・Mother should do everything perfectly. ・Mother should always cherish me.

2. Beliefs related to emotion

・Mother should do whatever I want immediately, but she did not do it. I was ignored. ・Mother should carry me whenever I feel tired from walking, but she did not do it. I was refused. ・Mother should understand my feelings even though I do not express them with my words, but she did not do it. I was abandoned. ・Mother should cook only my favorites, but she did not do it. I was a low priority. ・Mother should look back at me whenever I call her, but she did not do it. I was not given her attention. ・Mother should always smile at me, even if I do something wrong, but she did not do it. I was not loved. ・Mother should do everything perfectly, but she did not do it. I was not treated well. ・Mother should always cherish me, but she did not do it. I was not important.

Once the Beliefs related to emotion were created, what will happen next? After scene 1, Yukiko might think, "I will not talk about Yuhta to my husband as long as he treats me like this…" In scene 2, Yuta might think, "I will not eat your cooking as long as you treat me like this…" And then, he might eat only what he likes.

As you see, we make some Decisions after we created Beliefs.

Examples of Decisions

I do not talk to Mother anymore. I do not eat Mother's cooking anymore. I do not smile at her anymore. I always frown at her. I never make an effort. I never finish anything.

It seems strange to create a Decision that says, "I do not eat Mother's cooking anymore," after having felt hungry, but we still do it. Of course, we do not always follow the Decisions which we created, but they are hidden in our deep minds, and sometimes they come up out even though a long time has passed since they were created.

Go back to Scene 1. What will Yukiko do when her husband said he was ready to listen? If she is still angry and she does not try to talk to her husband, her behavior would be inappropriate. In this case, she probably has re-created the Decision, "I do not talk to Mother anymore," from her childhood, in a similar scene as scene 1. The creation of this decision was triggered by scene 1, and it begins to affect Yukiko immediately.

Now we can imagine that Yukiko in her childhood could not wait even for a few minutes. After some analysis, we can see that Yuhta's impatience resembles his mother's. Like Yukiko, we have all created some Decisions based on Beliefs in our minds. Some of them are dormant, but some begin to work. Those Decisions are not always bad.

For example, if you had created the Decision, "I do not talk to Mother anymore," you would have become a quiet girl. If not, you might have been a very talkative girl and might have disturbed others. If you continued this behavior even after you became an adult, you might have disturbed others in your work place. Needless to say, this is not good for you. So, the experience in which you created the Decision was valuable for you.