Beliefs And Inner Voices Determine Your Parenting
What kind of Beliefs affect your emotions?
Not only in childrearing, but whenever you feel anger, sadness, or loneliness, our Beliefs are working in the background.
Imagine a scene such as the one below.
Yukiko is a housewife who has a two-year old child. One day, when her husband came home in the evening, she tried talking to him about how she was exhausted from childrearing every day, even though he was still changing out of his work clothes. He, feeling exhausted, frowned and said, "Not now. Let's talk about it later." She was shocked because he had never said that to her before, and she then felt sad thinking, "How mean! He does not want to listen to me…"
One of her Beliefs is, "He does not grant my desire to talk to him." The reason why this is merely her belief is because her husband was willing to listen to her after he relaxed, and he even said, "Not now. Let's talk about it later." So, she should have waited as he said. However, she did not take it that way.
Why did Yukiko think that he would not hear her? It is because she believes that her husband should always prioritize her. This is her base Belief.
Two-year old Yuhta, Yukiko's son, wanted a snack because he was feeling hungry, but dinner would be ready in thirty minutes. Yukiko, working in her kitchen, said to him, "Dinner will be ready soon. If you eat something now, you will not be able to eat dinner. You will have a delicious dinner in a few minutes. So, wait a little." However, Yuhta did not stop insisting. Yukiko strongly repeated the same words, and Yuhta began to cry. To him, his mother looked like she was saying, "I never give you any food!" Yukiko began to feel frustrated, saying in her mind, "I will finish cooking in a few minutes, but he is so impatient!"
These two scenes are similar. Both Yukiko and Yuhta cannot wait a few minutes for someone else to satisfy their desires. They begin to think emotionally that their desires are not accepted. This is a Belief, not a truth.
When Yukiko’s husband said, “Not now. Let’s talk about it later,” she blamed her husband, thinking to herself, “How mean! Why don’t you take the time to listen to my problem right now?” This is the reason why she felt her son blamed her when he cried while wanting a snack. In her mind, Yuhta seems to be saying, "How mean! Why don't you take the time to grant my desire right now?" which is exactly the same as her own reaction to her husband telling her to wait. Projecting her Beliefs onto others makes childrearing frustrating and difficult for her.
What if Yukiko did not have this Belief, and she could wait a few minutes to talk to her husband? She would also not be concerned with Yuhta's crying before dinner. She could keep her composure and say, "My, my. You cannot wait for dinner. Okay. Still, wait a little." She could keep cooking without any bad feelings. Amazingly, his crying would not stir her mind anymore.
Crying is not bad for children. Quite the opposite, it makes them physically strong, and they will learn patience. When Yukiko finishes her cooking, and says with big smile, "Here you go! Your dinner is ready! Good boy. You are really patient. Yummy!" Yuhta's feelings of frustration would change to happiness.
If this example is similar to your case, you will become happier when you understand how Beliefs affect childrearing!
As you have now learned, the Beliefs you have in your mind are the key to determining whether childrearing becomes easy or difficult for you.