What is a Mother's Love? １
Grow Yourself as a Mother
Anxiety accompanies rearing children. You might be always brooding about the best way to nurture your children. You, as a mother, will decide which methods you will use to nurture your children by reading books or asking other mothers about which methods they use. However, how can we confirm that those methods are correct for your children? Children have various types of personalities. One method might be good for some personalities, but bad for other personalities.
As a life counselor, I have been deeply investigating the minds of numerous adults for many years. My job is to look into how their parents' words affected their feelings during childhood, and how those feelings now influence their adulthood. Then, I find their life purpose, modify wrong mindsets, and make their lives flow smoothly. Because I am often in the position to survey the long-span flow of people's minds, I understand how the words or attitudes of mothers can affect what type of personalities their children attain. The effects of a mother's words or attitudes on a child will change a few times during the child's long life span.
For example, a child might have thought that he was hurt by his mother, but that experience actually helped this child to become an independent person. Another child might have thought that she was protected tenderly by her mother, but that experience made this child into an immature adult. After this research, I concluded that we cannot say which words or attitudes are correct for raising children until the children become adults.
However, there is one magical way to help your children soundly. It is very simple, safe, and completely effective! That one magical way is nurturing yourself as a mature adult. Imagine that your family is literally a tree. You, as the mother, are a branch of that tree, and your children are twigs of that branch. So, if your mind grows soundly, your children's minds will grow soundly too. That is why some people say, "Nurturing children is nurturing ourselves." If the branch does not have enough nutrition, the twigs cannot get enough nutrition, even if you change how you nurture them. Determining what type of parenting is good or bad, is easy. Parenting becomes difficult when parents themselves do not want to grow.
If a mother feels immature, but does nothing about her immaturity, that is when her immaturity causes her to become angry with her children. She feels the impulse to yell at them or beat them. Children sometimes make the situation worse and make their mother's
smoldering anger into a fire. If the mother can extinguish her smoldering anger first, the fire will not occur, even if her children intentionally attempt to make their mother angry.
The Parenting Course for Mothers of Fractal Psychology is programed to pursue why mothers become angry with their children, and then help to heal and extinguish the anger itself. When you use this method, you will never need to say anything to your children. All you need to do is observe your children, and say what you want to say to your "Child Self," not to your children. With this method, you will extinguish your smoldering anger in your deep mind. At the same time, you can reduce a lot of stress with your husband and parents-in-law. This is the result of the growth of your mind.
There are many books for parenting. Those can be very helpful when you are calm. However, when you are angry and feeling irritated, those books will not work anymore. You might have already experienced this, and condemned yourself because you could not act as the books instructed. If you can grow as a mature adult and nurture yourself and your mind, you will reduce those frustrations, and you will nurture your children confidently. At that time, you will move ahead, beyond those books for parenting.
My own twenty years of parenting experience was not easy, and probably very similar to your parenting experience. However, I believe that children are the best treasure for mothers. As mothers, we have been nurturing our own best friends; our children. Is there any other job as worthwhile as being a mother?
Our parenting period will end someday, but then we will have long years with our best friends. Those years with our best friends will be at least three times longer than our parenting period. Please look forward to the days when you are relaxing and talking with your children as your best friends.
Spring in 2007
Written by Mau Isshiki, the founder of Fractal Psychology